by our Back Woods Reporter
Following the controversy over the proposed US border wall with Mexico, a call has come from a prominent timber industry magnate in Canada for a similar wall to be built between the US and Canada. Msr Black Jacque Shellaque, owner of Les Union des Beavers, Quebec, says it is even more pressing for the US President to attend to the "Threat from ze Nord".
"Y'know, ziz President she is crazy, stopping all those low-paid peeps from coming and yet ze dangerous hordes wait to storm from ze nord. I am meaning Canada, imbecile, you 'av non idea az to what is coming, I tell you.
"Mounties getting zer man. Oops, far too gay, remember Ze Lumberjack Song. Terence et Phillipe non-stop, Mon Dieu. CANADIANS EVEN. Lager-swilling Ladies Nights. The Queen challenging in the Presidential Race.
"But, worst of all, ze Beavers!!!! Zere are 'UNDREDS & MILLIONS OF THEM, all with ze nibbling teeth, zey have closed down Canadian IKEA, or maybe expanded it, all zoz flatpacks."
Msr Shellaque said had 'ze plan', but to stop hordes of highly-trained beavers from nibbling down much of the US housing stock etc, thix would need $US 5 billion to divert "ze pesky rodents, of whom I 'av personal experience". He explained that, luckily he happens to have enough timber for these beavers to gnaw down the trees, float them down The Great Lakes and build the Wall.
"And who knows, maybe zere will be enough to build ze Mexican Jobbie too, 20% off even, 'ow I afford such generosity beggars moi. I said beggars, merci."
"AND I 'av ze name for ziz MasterPlan .....
Ze Wall for ze Trump-ings. Voila!"
